Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Day 105 - A Small Taste

This morning, I'm heartbroken.

I'm trying to will myself to stay in the game because mentally, I'm 100% in my training. Physically, I've never felt worse. EVERYONE (Kyle, my mom, etc) is mad because I haven't gone to the MD yet....but I kinda thought things would get better....sadly, they are getting worse.

I don't care that I'm losing two toenails. It doesn't even make me cringe to bleed through my socks on a lot of runs.

Every morning, I wake up feeling incredibly nauseous. Like, I have to move slowly or just moving too quickly is going to make me throw up. Some mornings I have dry heaves. Every day, my stomach just aches for at least two hours. Nothing about my digestion is right.

I was ok with feeling that way and just thinking that it was my body getting used to training.

This morning, I got on the treadmill and ran a quick mile. Then literally, had to get right off because I almost threw up right there. I tried to push through to finish my run, but no success.

I feel like such a failure because I want to do this run 100%, I know I have enough endurance to get through it, but I seriously don't know if I can feel this way for the next 25 days. It's hard to explain (and trust me you don't want me to go into all the nuances of this....TMI for this blog) but I've never been in so much pain.

The other thing is that I can't find anywhere that this has happened to people....so if anyone knows how to fix this so I can train, I'm ALL ears.

To me, this is just so weak because clearly I didn't have my stomach cut open and have to retrain from that. But, I'm pretty good with pain and I feel like I'm really hurting myself here somehow.

I'm devastated that I've already failed at Week 4, only doing 2 miles today instead of 4.....and not sure whether my mind or belly will win at this point.

Ouchie.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Day 98 - Pushing through...

When I woke up this AM, there was no way I was going for a run. I pretended I was by getting out of bed, but I was back next to Kyle within two minutes. He asked me if I really wanted to quit and I told him yes....so he let it be.

Fast-forward to my trip to Manchester, NH and I got my groove back! Walked into the hotel, got into my running outfit, and kicked ass at 3.5 miles. I ran it faster than my assumed race pace (don't get that excited, it's not like my race pace is anything awesome), but it felt awesome.

Apparently, there must be some changes in me as one of the women I work with told me that she thought I looked a lot more toned....and actually said (and I quote) "your arms look cut". Then, while I was running today next to a full length mirror (LOVE it) I could actually see the muscles moving in my upper arms and back. I was a little turned on by it....which is weird because usually I'm all about "skinny" and now I'm into "muscles"??? Strange.

Funny moment in the gym. As I open the door, this 38 year old man is literally groaning and grunting his way through pushups. I'm thinking he's really at the end of his workout for how much bitching and moaning are taking place. Then I start watching him....he's not even doing real pushups!!!!! He is faking his way through really shallow dips and keeping his arms bent. What a mess. I thought that was enough....but oh no, it gets better.

He goes over to the free weights section and tries to lift two 40 lb dumbells off the rack. He can't do it, so he brings one over to the bench and then makes another trip. He benches them for maybe three reps. Again, no full extension of the arms. He is groaning and then collapses on the bench to watch TV for five minutes.

THEN, he goes over to the free weights and picks up two 30 or 35 lb bells. He walks over right next to me (please note we have the entire gym to ourselves to spread out in) and cleans the dumbbells. Then he attempts to do a push press and almost drops one on his head. He can't get them higher than his shoulders. He shakes his head, takes a peek at me to see if I've noticed (I'm pretending I'm seeing none of this) and then goes over to get the 25 lb bells. He does maybe 5 of what I would call clean & press, but instead of doing the cleans, he is letting the bells fall down to his side and then trying to beast them back up with his arms. No wonder he can only do 5.

At this point, I seriously wanted to get off the treadmill, take the 2 25's and double his workout. It was so sad....and I thought it couldn't get any worse!!!! Never fear....it did.

THEN, he gets the 2 15 lb bells. I'm completely snickering inside because seriously, why is a guy using 15 lb bells. I use 15 bells for a light workout with a lot of reps! Then....think about what he did next....yep, you guessed it...that asinine exercise where you hold the two 15's above your head and extend your arms forward and back to work something...I think triceps? Either way, it's a completely pointless exercise that will do nothing for your physique. Mr. Gym Rat did 10 of them before he was completely beat.

He then took a towel to wipe off ALL the sweat from his excruciatingly tough workout and poured himself a large glass of water. Then he watched TV for 10 minutes and then he decided to do sit-ups. On the sit-up machine. Nothing weighted...just 15 to 25 sit-ups.

It took every inch of my self-control not to walk up to him and suggest he look into Crossfit or a local barbell club. The man wasted a good 35 minutes on nothing.

I've determined that is why America is overweight. You have people doing idiotic exercises that will never help you lose weight. Let's be honest, even if I work out for an HOUR on the elliptical machine as hard as I can...am I really breaking a sweat or struggling in the slightest? Not so much. I went to Olive Garden afterwards and they have only one or two items that can even be modified to be part of a healthy diet. I actually took a glance at the nutrition information online....even the chicken they advertise as "healthy" has over 42 g of carbs. Completely unnecessary.

I was pretty good...I got the mixed grill with all steamed veggies instead of the potatoes. I caved a bit at the end of the meal by having one breadstick and my after-dinner mint....but that was the best I could do!

In other great running news, I've been waking up every morning feeling really nauseous and it stays with me for hours....whether I eat breakfast or not. I'm not pregnant for the one smartass that will ask. Now, when I've run recently, the back of my throat and upper chest start burning and I start coughing. Acid reflux? I guess I'll go read my runners symptoms book again...if it's not one, it's another.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Day 97 - Things Happen for a Reason?

I've always told everyone that I believe things happen for a reason. But, could it be that deep down I don't really believe that or I try to circumvent the process?

It's amazing to me because there are so many things that have happened to me that truly did happen "for a reason"....most of them are deep dark secrets because why would I ever want anyone to see me as less than perfect.....but honestly enough there have been some real changes and disappointments along the way. I'm not quite ready to expose myself to all of them....but perhaps a few.

Here's some that I can remember.....and please don't judge me.....

1. I didn't really want to move to Ft. Wayne. Sure, I rated the job highly and thought it was an awesome opportunity, but I figured that somehow I'd really stay in Philly or one of the other jobs I wanted - I would get.

What happened: Probably the toughest and best learning experience on the job EVER, the career experience of a lifetime, learned how to be on my own and without a group of ready-made friends for a year, spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted, lost 20 lbs, MET MY HUSBAND, learned that I was a pretty good bowler, got to spend at least one weekend a month with my family and saved a lot of money

2. I was absolutely heartbroken about not being promoted last year even though I secretly knew I wasn't ready (although NOW I'm ready to kick some butt!) and took a lot of comments about why I didn't go for the team leader job.

What happened: Most of the team got laid off and I would have potentially been in a very tough spot.

3. I thought my life was so sad when my parents told me that I had to get a "real" degree from Northwestern instead of a theater degree (sorry to all my theater friends..they just didn't see it as useful!).

What happened: I got a lead in the Mainstage musical my freshman year and HATED performing....apparently it turned out I was a bit of a narcissist and only liked performing for audiences where everyone was my friend...I would have been a terrible professional!

I'm sure there is many more. I'm struggling right now between trusting in my own instincts at pushing forward....to believing that God has a plan and I fit into it somehow....or to take my friend's psychic who predicted eerily true things to find out where I belong.

All I know is that I'm being tested right now and hopefully a change is coming soon.

Is it in the cards for me to be a laid-back Southerner, with a new accent, a convertible, and dye my hair blond?

I guess we'll see shortly.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Day 96 - What really matters

As I sit here, procrastinating from working on preparation for my interview on Tuesday, I've been thinking and dreaming a lot about the things that really matter. I tend to focus on the here and now and 100% go with my gut on things. I don't do a good job (at all) of appreciating the things that I have in my life right now that are wonderful and I'm always striving to be better, to have more, and to win at everything. Some people might say those are good characteristics, but if you're my family or my husband, you are probably annoyed and think that really, it keeps me from ever being truly happy.

I think one thing that I hope to accomplish this year is to find out what makes me happy. One thing I want to do to start the process is to make a list of things that are great about my life and to remember to read it when I think that the world is crashing to an end (yes, I'm slightly overdramatic at times).

So, here we go with the list.

1. I have a wonderful husband who loves me no matter what, who puts up with the crazy things I do, and realizes that I will always have fun with him, but really will never learn to clean up and put my clothes away. He is supportive, kind, and a truly nice person.
2. I have parents that I am very close with and growing closer all the time. They are alive, healthy, and love vacationing as much as I do which is definitely a benefit for us!
3. I have a job. I make money. I have benefits. Enough said.
4. I have a roof over my head that I own.
5. I can go out to dinner whenever I want and don't have to care about the cost. Same with shopping.
6. I'm getting closer with my sister, brother, and "new" married family all the time and really enjoy being with them.
7. If I wanted to quit my job tomorrow and go on a cruise around the world, I could do it. I probably won't because I'm a little neurotic about work, but I could if I wanted to.
8. My girlfriends are tried and true and I love all of them so much! I know they would be there for me if and whenever I need them.
9. Not only can I get out of bed every morning, but I can run a half marathon. I need to appreciate my fitness and muscle and stop worrying about being a size 2. It's just not me.
10. I am better off in the world than so many people and families and have financial independence.

I think it's time to stop and smell the roses or I won't appreciate being "one of the Joneses" in a few years.

On a less serious note, late last week I remembered why I told Sera that I would never run another half marathon after Disney earlier this year. Because I hate running.

Apparently I only do all this running to make myself crazy. But, I got through 6.5 today...it wasn't pretty, it was a lot of run/walk combination, but that's half the run that I know I can get through even with not a super fast pace.

In happy news, I did outfit myself with a brand new wardrobe of running attire yesterday. Hello 6 new running skirts and a bunch of new tops. At least if I am going to suffer, I'll do it in style.

This week is going to be tough to get my workouts in since I'll be in Boston Tuesday-Sunday. I think I'll run 3.5 miles early Tuesday AM, do some strength training Weds night at the hotel gym, skip my workout on Thursday (unless timing works out), and get up early Friday and do another 3.5 miles. Sunday I'm supposed to do 7.5 miles or so and I have no idea how that is going to work out. We'll have to play it by ear as I don't know if the second hotel has a gym...I would assume not.

Luckily the diet of a wholesaler bodes very well for running as I'll be eating steak and vegetables all week. I also have new rules....no more drinking and no more carbs (I accidentally typed crabs....and then snickered a bit....apparently I'm still 12 years old mentally).

Happy 1st wedding anniversary to me!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Day 93 - My first blister

Boo.

Today, after running three miles in the new shoes and wondering why my foot hurt so badly....I found my first blister on my heel. It's about the size of a quarter and I really have no idea what to do with it.

I thought somehow I would be the first runner ever to escape blisters. After all, I've already been lucky enough to experience my toenails falling off, skin chafing and a wide range of other lovely runner symptoms.

Now, in dancing, we always would pop the blister, expose it to air, and then douse it with Nu-skin to have a second tougher layer of skin.

Any thoughts on how to treat this blister? I'm not really excited about running 6 miles with it hurting like heck on Sunday.

I did get through the three miles and I tried Sera's news article way of sprinting intervals. I actually like it a lot better....I did 1.5 mi regular and 1.5 mi sprints. It was actually fairly amusing!

Good news is that now I can have fun with Qamara & Jen tonight instead of run, run, running....

Also, my coach is working on a crossfit endurance program to help me do more Crossfit and less long runs in order to still train for the half. We'll see what exciting things come out of that!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Day 92 - Not my favorite...

Yesterday, on Day 91, I completed a 3 mile run that was outrageously hard. It was my first run in my new Asics and it just sucked. I officially hated everything about it. That's the funny thing about running - sometimes, it's the best run of your life and sometimes you would rather be doing anything else.

The good news is that I sucked it up and got through it.

Today's workout was as follows:

Squats
45 lb x 5 reps x 2 sets
65 lb x 5 reps x 1 set
85 lb x 5 reps x 1 set
105 lb x 1 rep x 1 set
Work Weight: 115 lb x 5 reps x 3 sets

Presses
45 lb x 5 reps x 1 set
52 lb x 1 rep x 1 set
Work Weight: 54 lb x 5 reps x 3 sets

Weighted Sit-ups
15 lb x 10 reps x 3 sets

Met-Con
25 lb x 2 continental cleans
4 overhead lunges (2 Left/2 right)

The above for time x 10 sets

Time was 4:03.

I'm tired, and dirty, and smelly....but getting stronger!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Day 90 - Week 1 Complete!

Today was the major test of this week....a 5 mile run.

Because it was 90 degrees out with 95% humidity and isolated thunderstorms, I decided that in order to get through it, I did most of it at the gym (I know, somewhat of a cop out).

However, I was totally amused. The 5 miles wasn't really that hard. My arms didn't hurt, my legs didn't hurt, my skin didn't chafe.....actually, all was right with the world. The biggest problem I had was endurance - I was getting out of breath and working my lungs pretty hard.

This means I owe my coach one heck of a THANKS for putting muscle on me because when I was training for running before, my body always gave out before my lungs/endurance.

Today was a positive run, where the miles just flew by and I stayed incredibly motivated the entire time. Or maybe it was just that I was watching "The Parent Trap" on Disney and I'm not going to lie, I love that movie. Something about the happy ending coming true even when two people are apart for 10 years just gets me everytime. Either that, or little Lindsay Lohan as twins. Either way, a complete winner.

I think I did give myself a bit of a system shocker as I have a monster headache as I write this and actually feel slightly hungover. Is it possible to get a runner's hangover? I think I might coin the term, because I can tell you that's exactly how I felt after the other half marathon.

Let's do a report card for week #1:
1. Two short runs - that gets an A- as they were completed, but with a bit of whining and a bit of a short run on the second day due to my "organs jostling" (yes that is a scientific term).

2. One hour conditioning & strength training - A for effort and because we did longer than an hour.

3. 30 min conditioning & strength training - F because I was too hungover to do it.

4. 5 mile long run - A- because it wasn't done outside, but was definitely a winning way to finish the week.

Food gets a D and not drinking gets a C so I definitely have some things to improve upon this week. However, I sense that it will be a good week ahead.....particularly in my new running shoes that were obtained today.

In closing, ouch, my head hurts. 42 days and counting to 13.1.....