Day 105 - A Small Taste

This morning, I'm heartbroken.

I'm trying to will myself to stay in the game because mentally, I'm 100% in my training. Physically, I've never felt worse. EVERYONE (Kyle, my mom, etc) is mad because I haven't gone to the MD yet....but I kinda thought things would get better....sadly, they are getting worse.

I don't care that I'm losing two toenails. It doesn't even make me cringe to bleed through my socks on a lot of runs.

Every morning, I wake up feeling incredibly nauseous. Like, I have to move slowly or just moving too quickly is going to make me throw up. Some mornings I have dry heaves. Every day, my stomach just aches for at least two hours. Nothing about my digestion is right.

I was ok with feeling that way and just thinking that it was my body getting used to training.

This morning, I got on the treadmill and ran a quick mile. Then literally, had to get right off because I almost threw up right there. I tried to push through to finish my run, but no success.

I feel like such a failure because I want to do this run 100%, I know I have enough endurance to get through it, but I seriously don't know if I can feel this way for the next 25 days. It's hard to explain (and trust me you don't want me to go into all the nuances of this....TMI for this blog) but I've never been in so much pain.

The other thing is that I can't find anywhere that this has happened to people....so if anyone knows how to fix this so I can train, I'm ALL ears.

To me, this is just so weak because clearly I didn't have my stomach cut open and have to retrain from that. But, I'm pretty good with pain and I feel like I'm really hurting myself here somehow.

I'm devastated that I've already failed at Week 4, only doing 2 miles today instead of 4.....and not sure whether my mind or belly will win at this point.

Ouchie.